I Seldom See it Coming......

I heard some news today I wasn't expecting. I guess that's what makes it news.


I called a friend to confirm a lunch date & was mildly surprised when she didn't seem to remember our plans. I was going to take her out to distract her, because her mom had a 'mild' stroke last week and was still in rehab. My friend needed a break so I thought I'd treat her.


Turns out, her mom suffered a severe stroke yesterday and is now in hospice. Just hearing those words shot me right into my fugue state, that gift God allows me when I can't take the news. In fact, as I write this I'm in my fugue state. It's amazing how much one can accomplish while in shock. Some of my finest works have been completed while under this influence.


It's a blessing and a curse. The blessing is that things get handled beautifully, my son's special needs were always met and he flourished. My Dad had a beautiful funeral, family in from all over, visitation,rosary, service, luncheon, all went smoothly, I'm told.



Herein lies the curse. I have no memory of it.



I have vague recollections of cousins being in town all those years ago, when I lost my dad, a fleeting vision of a bunch of us, after all the hoopla, taking my mom back upstate so she wouldn't have to enter the house alone. I do remember that. Naturally, being Irish, we turned the whole thing into an extravaganza of rearranging furniture and home movies late at night, accompanied by 'cleaning out' the liquor cabinet.


My son sent me into overdrive for approximately nine years. It was then that he finally stabalized. It was nine years of surgery after surgery, top to bottom and I mean that literally. Six brain surgeries, scads of orthopedic procedures, a lot of nephrology (kidney) and then, just to be cruel, fate stepped in and sent us stoopid things like hernias and tonsils.


When I look back at it now, I remember most vividly his winning the Special Olympics in every event, every year. (Those athletes are all winners all the time, you betcha) I remember him being interviewed on t.v. on all the channels after his participation in those events. I remember that he was a cub scout and on a bowling league. I remember that he liked to turn his pillow over each night for "the cool side."


So, yes, I've been given a gift. The gift of automatic pilot. The gift of selective memory.


A gift I'll never exchange.