and so it goes...

retirement. That's the way God planned it. I never thought I'd be so busy ! Sometimes, I wonder how I ever had time to work.  I lie awake at night, (a bad habit, another column,) and think of the next day's schedule. I cannot believe, that much like when I was working, I long for a down day. But at this stage, early in my retirement, it's not to be - I have a lot of unfinished/new business to attend to.


It's all important, it's all noteworthy, at least in my book. But it runs like a litany ~ it's all timed, fercrissake ! 


Of course, my top priority are my kids. That hasn't changed, but their needs have. They no longer have papers due, they have 'meetings.' So I must be there for child care. My pleasure, no doubt. But I have to plan my own activities accordingly. Mundane things, but vital...Dr's app'ts, license renewal, flu shot, mass, fercrissake (literally!)


But to get back to the way God plans it - a very important person in my life once shared her theory with me. Interesting, because it has to do with God's plan, and she is not in the least bit spiritual. She said that there's a reason for menopause and there's a reason for timelines. I believe her, and I am spiritual. In the 'Word according to Deb,' our children leave for college at exactly the time they are getting on our last nerves. We are annoyed, fed up and heartsick all at the same time, the time to let go. So true !


Another of her reasons for menopause: (I buy into this one, too, big time-) just at the age our grandkids come along, we're too tired to be a full time parent. We can love and adore them and be ready for them to leave, just in time, just when we've expended our energies.


Menopause, as they say, has the prefix 'men' and the root word, 'pause' which is fitting, at our age. I'm too tired and not interested in anything but the occasional cuddle. As a clinician, I know the guys are in the same place we are. You know you're really old when your drug of choice is...Viagra.


                                     "Man plans; God laughs"



 

The Life of Riley; Update

Riley gives new meaning to the term "lucky dog."

She's like Barbie-the bitch has everything !

Until yesterday, she had never seen another dog up close since her litter-mates. Yesterday was probably the greatest stressor of her life so far.(she has yet to be neutered, so until next month, the bar is set pretty low, admittedly.)

Yesterday, she had her first grooming appointment. As with everything in her life so far, she went charging in full throttle. All new faces, up close and personal, all new sounds and smells. I dropped her off with the experts, not without some trepidation. I'm used to lengthy appointments and planned my day accordingly, In ninety minutes I got the call to come and pick her up. I wondered why, what could've gone wrong....but nothing had gone awry, I had a different groomer this time, one who managed time more effectively. I came back to find a full grown dog where a puppy had been. Granted, a ten pound dog is never going to look all that adult, but the change was startling, albeit beautifully done.

She seemed lost, confused,totally without confidence (and without fur, to be sure) she seemed completely indifferent to me and not in the least bit relieved that I was even there.

I had hoped to relieve some of the tension for her by issuing strong orders that my dog was not to be decorated in any way. No bows, bandanas or nail polish. It's a pet peeve of mine (pun intended)

I corralled her into her carrier, a nylon/mesh number she's used to traveling in. I tossed in a treat and spoke soothingly to her on the way home. When we arrived, she wouldn't be coaxed out. It was all I could do not to dump the carrier upside down to get her out. Finally, I reached in to pull her out and my hands landed in Godknowswhat.

I pulled out the darlin' only to rush her to the tub tuit suite. She was so upset, she had puked all the way home. I had paid $35.00 + tip only to take her home & rebathe her in an oatmeal wash.

Not for her, the ubiquitous grooming salon to which her breed is accustomed.. From now on, it's clippers and bath tub and air drying at home.

My little princess has made her personality known to me. She is a tomboy through and through, just like her owner.

I'm so proud ~



Love Hurts

I'll never understand it. I guess I never had it. Oh, I thought I did, too many times, but I was always wrong, sadly mistaken. My relationships always ended by me, there was never any "til death do us part" in my experience.


Which is fine! I was never devastated by these romances, always relieved in the end. Invariably, there were messes to be cleaned up and handled, Drama, to be sure,tears to be shed, but fortunately (for me) I walked away unscathed, for the most part. At least I recovered, pretty quickly, each time.


So now I'm at a point in my life, and have been for years, where I've become too set in my ways to ever compromise with anyone. I'm used to my solitude,I prefer it. I've come to realize I'd rather be alone than wish I were. It's all good.


In my experience, it turned out to be permanent children and temporary marriages.  (a phrase I borrowed from a close friend who was referring to me.) and while I may have been sidetracked while seeking validation, my kids always came first. Sometimes, they were the deal breaker. They were always worth it. The point is, you have to love yourself first. Until you do,you are seeking validation from others. Until you do, you will never reach fulfillment.


Right now, I'm reliving my experiences through a friend who has not yet realized that her priorities are screwed up. Someone, at some point, damaged her so much that she thinks she needs someone to validate her. She can't see that her children do. She's caught up in the day to day annoyances of homework and schedules and bullshit that drive us all nuts at times. She's not looking into those big brown eyes who adore her so much and look to her for everything from safety and meals to fun. Even the dog is a pain in the ass.

I have memorized, and can recite more platitudes than you knew existed, but I'll spare you (you're welcome)

When she sees it for herself, she will be happier than she ever dreamed she could be. I am, platitudes be damned. It was life's experiences that got me here.

"Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be."  How's that for a platitude?

I am growing older and I cherish every moment. I never dreamt it could be so perfect. I'm happier than I ever could imagine.

I get it, God, and it was worth waiting for ~

 

....Annnd..We're Off !

Halloween is over, let the games begin !


The next two months will be a blur. I'm not complaining at all about that.  In fact, I kind of relish the fact that the holidays are so much easier than they used to be, now that I'm almost matriarchal in my family. Everyone else does all the work and I just show up & play with babies. DELISH !


I never liked Halloween, even as a child and especially as a young mom. All the chaos, all the stress of designing costumes and buying candy (twice, usually, in my case, if you get my drift.) The weather, it seems, rarely cooperated. Cold, rainy, windy, awful.  Then there was the year we trudged though puddles and rain and got home only to find the pillowcase my daughter was dragging had torn and there was no candy, at all for my kids. Obviously, I sent them to get out of their wet costumes, turned out our porchlight and dumped our  candy into a bowl for them to share. To this day, I don't think they realize that.


Thanksgiving. Well, of course, I'm grateful every day for such a lush life. God knows this because I thank him everyday, several times a day. But the menu is no big deal. It used to be that turkey was only served two or three times a year. Now, with the all-american health concious diet, it's  become a staple. These days, the pumpkin pie and sweet potatoes are what make the holiday festive.


Then, the jewel in the crown of all these holidays, Christmas !


Ridiculous non stop Christmas music 24/7 on the radio, unbelieveable television commercials starting before Halloween. It sets my teeth on edge. I send  angry emails to radio stations, I boycott products, all to no avail, I'm sure, but it makes me feel better, as if I'm part of the solution.


At some point during the holiday season, I welcome the snow, but just for me. I know I'm in the minority, but I love it. It fills me with peace, and calm and a wonderful sense of well-being. But that's just me.


Then there's New Years. I like this one, too. Now that I'm older, I don't feel the need to celebrate like I did when I was younger. It always seemed like manufactured fun to me, if you didn't have a date, or big plans, you were a loser. Now I think of it as the grand finale. A nice way to tie up all the holidays and begin hibernating until the spring.


I'll never be a Scrooge, and I've never uttered "Bah, Humbug!"  I doubt I ever will. But now, I'm able to sit back and relax and be grateful for the riches God has placed in my life: family and friends and pets and love and laughter. 

"Miracles are to come~"

(ee cummings)