Second hardest thing I've ever done. The first stays in the vault.
My buddy, my pal, my best friend ever is not looking good. My dog (so much more than that, really) is suffering. She's been sick for a few weeks now and I deluded myself into thinking she was just aging, just slowing down a little. But finally I realized that this is bigger than the both of us.
I took her to the vet, a man who should be knighted before sainthood, and described in great detail, her symptoms. "I'm hoping for a urinary tract infection," I told him. There were signs of that, so he agreed with me and prescribed antibiotics. Which made her sicker. He suggested I stop them to see if her appetite improved, and it did. For a day.
It seemed to be a trade-off. Her appetite for the symptoms.I know I've been so sick I wanted to cave, even I can lose my appetite.
She's back on meds after today's Dr. visit, a new kind. It's too soon to tell if they'll be effective. Xrays ruled out stones, lab tests pointed to infection, and nothing has ruled out cancer. I got a feeling from the doc that this is his suspicion. I think he's getting me ready for that. I'll never be ready.
We're going to take it one day at a time, for now. But when I look into those big, brown, beseeching eyes I know that if this 10 day course of treatment doesn't work, I will have to face the inevitable. I refuse to make her sicker with radiation and chemo, so there's nothing left to do but make her comfortable.
She's been with me for eleven years. Longer than any relationship. She never judges me and she thinks I hung the moon. We never fight, never even get irritated with each other. She has been a model partner and I can't imagine my life without her.
We're in this together, girlie-girl, and I only care about your well being. Mine seems kind of shaky lately.
3 comments:
I'm sorry, Molly. It's clearly been a difficult time. You and Georgia are in my thoughts today.
Love and healing light to both of you. No greater love and courage is required of us at times like these. The deepest love is sometimes balanced by the deepest grief....but also by the deepest gratitude at having had the privilege of sharing time and space with one of God's most incredible beings. Thank you so much, Georgia. Regardless of the outcome, may you be gloriously happy and healthy.
Ann and Joy each said it so beautifully. Lovely Georgia. Not a day that goes by -- that I do not miss my boy, so I understand the overwhelming sorrow in your heart... but it is bourne out of the deep love you have for her. I will be thinking of you and Georgia over the days to come. I hope your heart will be filled with comfort and peace, knowing you have shared years of happy memories together, and that you did everything you could for her, to give her a long and healthy life! Here's to her. They are indeed, incredible beings, gifts from God.
I love this quote, "He is my other eyes that can see above the clouds; my other ears that hear above the winds. He is the part of me that can reach out into the sea. He has told me a thousand times over that I am his reason for being; by the way he rests against my leg; by the way he thumps his tail at my smallest smile; by the way he shows his hurt when I leave without taking him. (I think it makes him sick with worry when he is not along to care for me.) When I am wrong, he is delighted to forgive. When I am angry, he clowns to make me smile. When I am happy, he is joy unbounded. When I am a fool, he ignores it. When I succeed, he brags. Without him, I am only another man. With him, I am all-powerful. He is loyalty itself. He has taught me the meaning of devotion. With him, I know a secret comfort and a private peace. He has brought me understanding where before I was ignorant. His head on my knee can heal my human hurts. His presence by my side is protection against my fears of dark and unknown things. He has promised to wait for me... whenever... wherever - in case I need him. And I expect I will - as I always have. He is just my dog." - Gene Hill
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