"What Fresh Hell is THIS?"

Well,now what?

We're all aware that being in church makes you no more a christian than being in a garage makes you a car.

If you're gonna talk the talk, you'd better walk the walk.

No, this is not your concious speaking, it's mine.
And it's nagging me, constantly.

Because I'm not doing enough.I've got to figure out what I want to do, personally,hands on, rather than donating. I'm involved (& enamored with) a wonderful group with wonderful ideals and plans in motion. Their numbers are legion, their faith and their will is strong and they are making a difference. I'm proud that I belong to Pax Christi.

I used to feel that I made a difference. I still believe I did, in my own little way, for years and years, but I got paid for it. Now, towards the end of middle age, while I've still got some steam left, I'd like to use it.

I spent some time as a caregiver in the not too recent past, for a little boy who's Cerebral Palsy was so severe he had no abilities of his own. My problem with him is that he got too big for me to carry !

I'm thrilled to be able to care for my own (healthy,thank you God) grandson and I treasure every minute I get to spend with him. But that's getting, not giving.

I'll find something, different and special, I hope, but I wish I had traveled when invited overseas with "Operation Smile."  It's a ship that goes around the world, changing staff every 2 weeks. I was invited by a plastic surgeon I'd scrubbed in with to join this team about 12 years ago and I declined. The ports of call were Viet Nam and Kenya and their mission was to do nothing more than repair every cleft palate they could find. It's a forty-five minute procedure and gives these babies a better chance in life. There is no charge, the docs do their own triage and decide exactly whom will be given this gift the following day. Staff rotates every 2 weeks because they HAVE to, The conditions are poor, the hours are long and the work is exhausting. I was honored to have been asked, but declined. The spirit was willing but the flesh was weak.

So, I'll be thinking of something,probably minor, but something,anything, in the next few weeks that will make a difference.Not because I'm all that noble, but because the voices in my head are telling me to. And I'll do whatever it takes to quiet them.

I regret not taking the chance on "Operation Smile," but I need to get over it and move on, because that ship has sailed.

Godspeed.